Indiana Schools

Fail in Cursive

by D. J. Herda

No more pencils: No more books.  No more teachers' dirty looks.

Well, no more pencils, at any rate.  That's what the department of education for the state of Indiana recently decreed.  Beginning this fall, Indiana grade-school teachers will no longer have to teach cursive handwriting.  According to a state memo, students will be expected to learn keyboard proficiency instead. 

Now, at first glance, that doesn't sound so bad.  I mean, kids today can barely write their own names anyway.  Write, hell.  They can't even text them properly.  "Bob" becomes "Bb"; "Cynthia" becomes "Cnta";  and don't even ask about "Rupert."

All fine and good.  But then I started thinking about what these kids are going to be like when they reach adulthood.  Most of them will be unemployed, of course; why should five or ten years make any difference?  But of the few who do manage to land jobs, what will that be like?  We're going to end up with a generation of cursively illiterate idiots such as these:

Doctors, who will write out medical prescriptions that are really illegible.  Maybe your doc can just text the prescription directly to the pharmacist, and you can pick it up in an hour or two.  Assuming, of course, that you don't have to ask anyone to write out instructions on how to get to the pharmacy.

Tax consultants, who won't be able to fill out forms in longhand anymore (not that many still do).  Nor will they be able to sign them when the returns are completed or ask you to sign your name.  Maybe congress will resurrect the time-honored making of our marks: you know, "X."

Teachers, who won't be able to write homework instructions, witty sayings, or algebraic expressions on the blackboard anymore.  Do they still have blackboards in classrooms?  They do?  Not for long.

Students, who won't be able to present written excuses for absences or requests to be let out of gym class early for a doctor's appointment.  Not that it matters, since the doctor's prescription will be more symbolic than meaningful anyway.

Traffic cops, who won't be able to write out tickets for speeders anymore.  Instead, congress will pass a law that assumes everyone is guilty of speeding occasionally, so you'll simply be required to send in a $75 fine twice a year.

The elderly, who won't be able to keep up with all the latest "keyboard proficiency" technology but will still be able to write beautifully in cursive.  Maybe they can hold cursive bees where everybody sits around a large table exchanging handwritten notes and reminiscing about the good old days.

This has to be Obama's fault. 

Doesn't it?

And I…am D. J. Herda.

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D. J. Herda is President of the American Society of Authors and Writers (http://amsaw.org), an organization made up of authors, writers, editors, publishers, agents, directors, producers, and other media professionals who rely upon the printed word in the creation of quality literature and entertainment.  He is a member of the Author's Guild, a former member of the American Society of Journalists and Authors, and a former member of the National Press Club.  He has published more than 80 books and several hundred thousand articles, short stories, columns, interviews, plays, and scripts.
 

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