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by D. J. Herda Okay, I’ll be the first to admit it. I watched the third and final Obama-McCain debate the other night, and I didn’t like it. I’m serious. I didn’t. I thought it was just one more example of business as usual. Except for the fact that McCain had been told by his advisers--as well as by half of the country--to “ramp up” his attacks against Obama, and Obama had been told by his advisers--and the other half of the country--to get ready for McCain’s ramped-up attacks, the third debate was simply a rehashing of debates One and Two. Who needs ‘em? So, knowing that the readers of this commentary expect and, yea, even demand more, the morning following the debate, I called both political camps--McCain’s and Obama’s--and I made them an offer they couldn’t refuse. I offered them ten minutes of uninterrupted, hard-hitting, no-punches-pulled, let-the-chips-fall-where-they-may, Tippecanoe-and-Tyler-Too questions and answers in yet one more debate, the Fourth and Final Debate, the one-and-only real debate. So here, without further ado for your reading and intellectualizing pleasure, are the results of what many people are sure to admit is the only real debate that the presidential candidates have had this season. D. J.: Senator Obama, your critics have called you a terrorist in sheep’s clothing. They point to your association with unrepentant terrorist William Ayres and his wife, Bernardine Dohrn, of the Weather Underground terror group, and they say that you are no better than they are. What do you say to those accusations? Obama: I can only comment that, and I believe you will agree with this, that the real question here is not what others want to ask but what in fact I want to answer. The real question here is that the economy, and my economic plans for a tax cut for ninety-five percent of all Americans, as I have outlined in the past, as Senator McCain knows, whether or not they are terrorists, is something that John McCain and I disagree upon in principal. I think that everyone will agree that I have a better understanding of the real issues here than does Senator McCain. D. J.: Senator McCain, your critics have called you old and listless. They have said that you chose your vice-presidential running mate as a matter of convenience in order to take advantage of the Hillary Clinton disenfranchised voters. They accuse you of lacking the fire to go after Senator Obama and to show just how much you differ from him and from his shoot-from-the-hip programs and empty philosophical platitudes. How do you respond to those critics? McCain: How much time do I have, Tom? D. J.: Senator Obama, back to you for a rebuttal. Anything you would like to add to that? Obama: Yes, yes I would. And I’m glad to have the opportunity to expand upon my…upon Senator McCain’s…upon John’s comments on this issue. I would like to, as many of you already know, I come from a working-class background, and I would like to respond to what Senator McCain has said, and I think that--and this is one of the key differences between Senator McCain and myself--I don’t know where he gets his data. But I do know that, until proven otherwise, I am the best candidate to hold the position, the vaulted position, of the president of the United States, because I offer the American people the clearest program for the most responsive rescue package for this great nation of ours from the hands of the business-as-usual White House of George W. Bush that has gotten us into this mess. Not only that, but I… D. J.: Thank you. Senator McCain, any response? McCain: I… Obama: …but also, I think that, as Senator McCain will have to agree, I am much younger than he is, and not only that, but I am black, and while I will not, I refuse to, play the race card in this campaign, the way that Senator McCain’s election committee has done so shamelessly, everyone in America who is out there watching, everyone who knows about what’s going on in the Bush White House, doesn’t want eight more years of the Bush administration’s failed programs and same-old same-old. Not only that, but I… McCain: I thought it was my turn. D. J.: Senators, I see by the clock that we have time for only one final question. Let me ask you first, Senator Obama: if you are elected president, how will your wife dress? Obama: Bob, I’m glad you asked that question. My wife, who is, who I should say is, I mean she has always been and, well, let me make this perfectly clear, should she ever be anything else, my wife is a woman of many…of several years. Besides, I just don’t understand what’s so bad about polyester. I mean, I don’t get it. We make polyester in this country. We are proud of our contribution in the world, in this area of polyester. I spoke to a lovely elderly lady in Piedmont, Virginia, the other day at a rally, and she said to me, “Senator Obama, if elected president, can you promise us that your wife will continue to wear those wonderful polyester dresses, where the bodice disappears and her butt looks, well, amazing, even though she will have countless advisors to suggest that she wear something else?” And I took her hand in mine--in my hand, this one, this very hand right here--and I told her, “Dearie, you can believe in me." And that’s a promise to the American people that I intend to keep. D. J.: Senator McCain, the same question, if you please. McCain: I don’t know. I don’t think I ever met the woman. But I’m sure that, if she wants to wear polyester, who am I to complain? And I…am D. J. Herda. # # #
D. J. Herda is President of the American Society of
Authors and Writers (http://amsaw.org),
an organization made up of authors, writers, editors, publishers, agents,
directors, producers, and other media professionals who rely upon the printed
word in the creation of quality literature and entertainment. He is
a member of the Author's Guild, a former member of the American Society of
Journalists and Authors, and a former member of the National Press Club.
He has published more than 80 books and several hundred thousand articles,
short stories, columns, interviews, plays, and scripts. |
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