When these editors see something they like, they respond enthusiastically.  "You know, I reviewed this proposal and read the synopsis over the weekend, and I like the story line and the author's voice.  Can you send me the first three chapters?  I'll let you know after that if I'd like to see more." 

That's an example of what I call the Madonna editor.  No, not that Madonna.  You know, the original.

Then there's the editor who comes to work in the morning, checks her mail, chats with the office gossips around some secretary's desk (so she can see at a glance when the managing editor steps off the elevator), goes into her office, pushes some papers around, telephones her girlfriend who works down the street for another publisher, and chats for the rest of the morning.  After lunch, she rifles her pile of unsolicited manuscripts, sends them all to her assistant for bouncing, and reads a proposal or two from a literary agent.

When this editor sees something not quite right for her, she responds (word-for-word):

"I don't understand why you sending me this.  i acquire historical romance and, while this could fall into that category, the quality of wring isn't up to par with what I demand.  from my authors.  please try to be more discriminating in what you sent me in the future."

This is an example of what I call the Whore editor.  Yes, that whore.  She has sold out her real passions in life for a 9 to 5 job that she really doesn't like and really isn't any good at.

Here are some other things that a typical Whore editor does to bug the literary hell out of me (as well as a few thousand other writers I know).

Rarely responds.  Ever.  To any correspondence.  Of any sort.

Takes her frustrations in life out on her writers and their agents.

 

Makes writers feel low (inadequate/stupid/unqualified/unworthy to walk the face of the earth).

 

Treats writers as if they can't possibly know more than she about the craft the writers have spent the last 50 years of their lives honing.

 

Asks for a manuscript and takes weeks (months/years/millennia/not-in-this-lifetime/not in anybody's lifetime) to respond.

 

Announces that she's going to take your manuscript to the next editorial board meeting and fight to get it on her spring list.

 

Responds, following the big "fight" to include your manuscript on next season's calendar: "Dear Author, I'm sorry but, after careful consideration, we have decided that this property isn't quite right for our present editorial needs."

Goes right on making everyone's life miserable.  Forever.

Fortunately, Whore editors--those who sell out solely for a weekly paycheck--are among the minority.  And for all those Madonna editors out there who really comprise the majority of the editorial staffs along Publisher's Row, one simple piece of advice.

Call me.  I'll be your wing man anytime.  I'll give you the book of your dreams and stand right alongside you for the rest of our writer/editor careers together.  Honest.  What have you got to lose?

Until then...

Smoke if you got 'em.

D. J. Herda                        President

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